Time to reassess the dad's role in the maternity ward

2008/05/19

Lifestyle. Experts say some fathers can be more of a hindrance than a help to their partner in the labour ward. For Kylli Kidman, there was never a question that husband, Brad, would be there to see her through the rigours of childbirth.

Tell us your bad birthing experiences Have your say "It was just always presumed that he would be there _ and he was fantastic," Kidman, 29, says.
"I think he would have been deeply offended if he hadn't been there."

And so Brad Carlson, 34, is now a member of the well-established club of men who were by their partner's side during labour.

However a world-renowned French-born obstetrician, who is speaking in Brisbane next week, says it's time to question whether it would be better for women if the men stayed away.

"When the man loves his wife, it's normal for him to be anxious and to release stress hormones (during a birth) and these are contagious," says Michel Odent, speaking from London.

Odent argues that men are inclined to panic in the labour room, and even the best intentioned modern man is a distraction to the woman, who should be concentrating on nothing else but the birth.

He also says the appearance of men in labour wards since the 1970s could be a factor in the rise of problem births and medical interventions.

"The fact the father is more anxious can sometimes press the medical team to do something," says Odent, who is also concerned at the numbers of men who develop issues with their sex lives after witnessing childbirth.

His position has opened a fundamental debate among maternity professionals, many of whom, he claims, would agree with him.

"For most men, being at a labour is scary. They don't know what to do," says Griffith University's Dr Jenny Gamble, Queensland spokeswoman for the Australian College of Midwives.

"Should men be in small rooms with a labouring woman? No. Some men should definitely not be there.

"If you think about an unimpeded birth _ the women rock about, cry out and moan. But women feel inhibited doing that in the full glare of lights with their husband there.

"Men should have a flexible role and be able to come and go. The woman should be able to say `get out' without that causing stress in their relationship. He should be able to be dismissed."

Gamble says there is plenty of merit in investigating whether society's expectations of men to be at the birth of their children is linked to higher rates of medical interventions.

Bruce Teakle, a father-of-three and a past president of the Queensland Maternity Coalition, says: "I think a lot of the time men are a liability at birth. They bring a lot of fear and that says a lot about the kind of birth care that they receive."

Teakle was at the birth of all three of his children, but they were born at home which, he says, meant he was "not on alien territory".

Dr Gino Pecoraro, an obstetrician and Australian Medical Association Queensland spokesman, says it would be wrong for anyone to suggest there should be a blanket ban on men in the labour ward.

"It should be for a woman and her partner to decide. I have seen some men terrified at the concept of being there and certainly I have looked after some women who have discussed the issue and decided they are going to bring their mother along instead," Pecoraro says.

Brad Carlson had far more education than most fathers to prepare him for the birth of his child, because the couple employed a doula, Tina Ziegenfusz, a person trained to support couples in pregnancy and birth.

"Having Tina there made a hell of a difference," Carlson says. "When you combine good information and good understanding of what can happen, I'd say it's a necessity for the guy to go in."

Carlson remembers the most difficult time was when medical staff decided Owen would need to be born by caesarean section because of the way he was facing. "I had to wait outside not knowing what was going on. If there was a time that was more stressful, it was when I wasn't with Kylli."

Ziegenfusz says: "The couples I work with, I get the opportunity to do some preparation. "Men being practical-minded respond well to that. Dads who don't have the benefit of that might have to go to hospital classes that don't really prepare them for what they are going to see."

AddThis Social Bookmark Button


These Tattoos are Ink Fashion for Sailor Jerry, Gleeson

Lifestyle. THEY may not be too everyone's taste, but saucy and flirtatious 1950s-style pin-up girls have become the tattoo of choice for many young women today.

Ask Mimsy Gleeson why a woman would want a tattoo of a pin-up girl writ large and bold in five colours across her body and she's lost for words.

Perhaps the question would have better been put as "Why not?"

The 31-year-old mother of two has a pair of 40cm-high, 1950s-inspired glamour girls etched either side of her ribs. She says she's extremely fond of that style of tattoo design, both on herself and on other people.

"For my generation, it's actually pretty normal for a woman to get a pin-up girl tattoo like mine," she says. "It's one of the more popular styles. And I love drawing them."

The former West End tattooist is so enamoured of the 1950s she has set up business as a mobile tattooist in a refurbished 1959 Qualicraft caravan complete with furniture from the era.

Mimsy's Trailer Trash Tattoo runs its business by appointment and at special events, such as GreazeFest, the Custom Culture festival, to be held in Brisbane from August 1 to 3.

Gleeson inks a pin-up girl on a female client about once a fortnight. Sizes vary but the average 25cm pin-up drawing in up to five colours would take two hours of work and cost about $300. "I guess it's because people regard the female form as really beautiful," Gleeson says.

"I mean, I wouldn't get a pin-up boy or anything like that, although I'm definitely heterosexual. I just don't think it would look any good. But the pin-up girls look really cute."

The pin-up genre is one of Gleeson's favourite styles of tattoo to draw.

Her designs come complete with 1950sinspired outfits, such as polka-dot bathing suits, and hairstyles kept in train with bandanas, ribbons and roses.

Back lace and cherries are among other recurring motifs.

Gleeson says the move back to '50s-inspired art is part of the huge interest in Sailor Jerry designs.

The designs of Sailor Jerry – real name Norman Collins (1911-1973) – such as his iconographic swallow with a sailor's cap, are instantly recognisable to most people as classic old-school-style tattoos.

The girls Sailor Jerry used to draw for the sailors who stumbled into his tattoo parlour in Honolulu's Chinatown area were always classically voluptuous and flirtatious.

However his designs in general are seen as bold and simple – part of the reason they've come to be regarded as classic images in the world of body-art tattooing. They're valued so highly that many are keen to have them as a permanent part of themselves.

For those who want something that can be taken off at the end of the day, however, Sailor Jerry, the brand of clothing, is available at Honor Lulu in Fortitude Valley.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button


Women Fear Getting Married

MODERN women have joined the hordes of men who fear commitment.

While the number of single women continues to rise, the growing number of women with commitment issues has also increased. Modern women now feel the world is at their feet, and getting married and losing that freedom can be much less appealing.

So many choose to delay or boycott marriage until later in life.The term commitment phobia was coined by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol in 1987 in their New York Times bestseller, Men Who Can't Love.

Over the past 20 years, the term has gained momentum worldwide and still continues to be a relationship paradigm. The fear of commitment refers to a lack of confidence in maintaining a long-term romantic relationship.

The irony of commitment phobia is that the individuals crave what they fear most: love and connection.The more they wish to fall in love with someone, the more confused and scared they become.
It is not that commitment-phobic individuals don't want love; it is just that their actions are fuelled by a fear of making an irreversible mistake.Commitment phobic behaviour also includes settling for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable love interests and running from a stable romance.

There are many causes.
It can stem back to childhood trauma and abandonment issues, a painful relationship break-up, observing difficult parental relationships or even going through a difficult divorce with a friend.

According to relationship coach Jane Roder, there are a variety of ways to recognise commitment phobia in a new partner – a history of infidelity, dating people with no long-term potential, falling madly in love with someone overseas or interstate, being overly committed to their work and being unwilling to let the relationship blend in with other areas of their life.

Often this person will come on strong initially and then start to back off as soon as the other partner shows interest.

Mixed messages and criticism soon follow.
Choosing unsuitable men is a pattern many women fall into.
By consistently choosing men who won't commit to them, they are in fact covering their own commitment issues.
Sometimes it's easier to blame the man or other factors, than looking at their own motivation.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button


 

Design by Amanda @ Blogger Buster