Flirty skirts "Fun, flowing and forgiving summer wear"

2008/07/20

Lifestyle Zone. BY HEATHER TOSKAN - Simple, easy dressing is one of the joys of summer and dresses and skirts create the preferred mix of comfort and style.

"Women love the feel of the summer sun on their shoulders and legs after a long, bundled winter," says Hbc fashion director Suzanne Timmins. "In the summer our wellbeing is at its peak and we feel healthy and beautiful -- the perfect time to wear uber feminine dresses and flirty skirts."

Ease is the current buzzword as sleeveless shifts and chemises feature extra fabric for a roomier fit than last year's versions.

Draped jersey knit dresses include plenty of gathering and ruching for a soft silhouette. Dresses and skirts with tiered layers also flounce into style.

At-the-knee remains classic, but A-line minis are especially popular with the young and the leggy.


Printed and patterned ankle-length maxi dresses designers such as Missoni and Pucci call "patio dresses" look casually chic paired with flip flops and a sunhat.

However, the casual maxi can be easily gussied up with dangling earrings, metallic sandals and an armload of bangles to take you from the patio to the party in a wink.

"Mid-calf length dresses present another great fashion option that can also be easily dressed up and down," says Rita Lee, vice-president of merchandising for the Melanie Lyne chain.

Asymmetrical and hanky hemlines lead the eye vertically, making mid-calf lengths more flattering to those who find that traditional, straight hemmed versions add width and weight to the fullest part of their calves.

Fit and flared sundresses of all lengths that taper gently at the waistline and flare into flattering A-line skirts are popular, as are full '50s inspired skirts, cinched and belted at the waist, and fully gathered dirndl skirts with waistbands.

"This summer, skirts have a flirty silhouette that is slightly fitted through the hips, but is also soft and full," says Brigitte Martin, a spokesman for Reitmans. "Skirts are textured with embroidery and eyelet, as well as with light crinkle effects in the material."

Summer skirts and dresses run riot with colourful explosions of colour, pattern and print. Bright shades of red, coral, yellow, aqua, royal blue, lime, fuchsia and violet vibrate and intertwine colourfully on solid and patterned styles.

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Getting the Sex Life You Want and Deserve - Starting With B

Lifestyle Zone. By Levi Reiss - An alphabetical guideline of how to get your sex life and perhaps your love life in order. Whether you want a committed relationship, a one-night stand, or something in between we provide suggestions, guidelines, and tips for getting and staying there. We focus on the positive, but don't ignore the mistakes that are so easy to make and not so easy to repair. This article focuses on belief, bold, and brains. Stay tuned.

We all want to improve our sex life; that goes for heterosexuals, homosexuals, and those in between. Virtually all of us feel we should be "getting" more and "getting" better. In fact we want both more and better. What’s the problem, I want it, you want it, what do you say we get together, right now? Alas, life and especially sex life is rarely that simple. There is no magic pill, perfume, potion, or pick-up line that will get you where you want to be before the evening, or if you’re particularly ambitious, before the afternoon, is over.

There isn’t even any article that will do the job for you, or transform a loser into a winner. And yet it is possible to improve your sex life whether you are in the midst of a great relationship, a successful swinger, a three-time loser, or just about anyone else. Sexual relationship success is partly common sense, it’s partly putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before putting…, and it’s partly something else. Well, you’ll have to read these articles to find out about the third part.

We have so many suggestions for improving your sex life that we are putting together an alphabetical list of what to do. Just so you don’t miss out, we are also putting together an alphabetical list of what not to do. Don’t let all your time, effort, perhaps money, and perhaps love, go down the drain by putting your foot in your mouth when what you really want; we all know what you really want.

B is for belief. In some ways this one is quite simple. If you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t find many people to believe in you, whether we are talking about sexual or non-sexual relationships. Of course, if you have been striking out a lot, it’s easy to lose confidence in yourself. I suppose that you could say a mantra such as I’m good enough… before hitting your favorite night spots. But it might make more sense to change venues.

B is for bold. Don’t be a namby-pamby. If you want to meet someone, go up to him or her and start talking. Let him or her know that you are interested. If the answer is a clear no, don’t worry about it, just move on. You should also be bold in moving the relationship to the next level. If she/he says, "Why are you rushing?" the simple answer is "I’m not rushing, I just want to get to know you." You don’t have to add that you mean know in the Biblical sense. For those who are not in the know, Biblical knowledge of someone is carnal knowledge. (Sounds like fun.)

B is for brains. Like they say, your most important sexual organ is between your ears. You were given brains, use them. This advice is particularly directed at the male members of the species. Don’t say something stupid. Don’t do something stupid. Of course when the alcohol is flowing this advice may be hard to follow. But it’s worth it. If you use your brains you sometimes realize that it won’t happen tonight but tomorrow is another day. But sometimes using your brains means you realize that it will never happen and moving on.

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Could You Have Sex Every Day for a Year?

Lifestyle Zone. By Buzzle Staff and Agencies. Two new books have hit the bestseller list, both chronicles of couples’ decisions to have sex every day – every….single…..day.

Charla Muller couldn’t think of what to give her husband for his 40th birthday. It was a special birthday, but nothing she came up with seemed particularly creative.

Then she had a flash of insight. As her gift, she promised her husband they would have sex every day for a year. 365 days of sex.

"This is something no one else would give him," said Muller in an interview. "It didn’t cost a lot of money, it was highly memorable. It met all the criteria for a really great gift."

At first he was delighted. Then he figured she wouldn’t follow through. But when it became clear that she was serious, off they went, having sex almost every day for a year.

The experience is chronicled in Muller’s book, "365 Nights." Coincidentally, the book is being released at nearly the same time as another one with the same subject matter. "Just Do It," by Douglas Brown, tells the story of Brown and his wife and their pledge to have sex 101 days in a row.

Both books seem to have hit a nerve and are selling well, and the couples are being adopted as media darlings and hitting the talk show circuit.

Psychotherapist Dr. Barton Goldsmith, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples," said to reporters that the economic situation could be part of the reason for the books’ popularity.

"Recession is good for relationships," said Dr. Goldsmith. "People don't want to go out so they can cocoon, and sex can be fun for many couples. It beats the hell out of Monopoly. Reclaiming the spark of romance is always a timely subject."

While the Mullers embarked on their year of love as a birthday gift, the Browns decided to "just do it" because they were in the doldrums after having moved from Baltimore to Colorado.

Missing friends, family, and neighborhood, the couple thought up their idea as a way to get them out of their depression. "We were just kind of bummed out when Annie handed me this idea, and I said that it might be kind of fun and put some spark back in our lives," said "Just Do It" author Douglas Brown. "Baltimore was the kind of place that generated its own spark. We wanted to see if we could do the same in what we began to call our sensory-deprivation chamber."

That doesn’t say much for Stapleton, Colorado, where they had moved to.

Both books chronicle the challenges of sex every single day, whether they felt like it or not. Sick? Gotta have sex anyway. Mad? Too bad, time to have sex. Kids getting in the way? Hire a babysitter and go to it.

There were definitely obstacles. One day Doug Brown experience a bout of vertigo (dizziness and disorientation) and his wife was not going to take no for an answer. "I’m not a quitter," she told reporters. "The night he had vertigo, I said, ‘I’m sorry guy, but you’ve got to keep going.’"

For her part, Charla Muller says she hit a wall around month 10, and started referring to the "gift" as "my stupid idea," and "my cross to bear." But the Mullers, too, kept going, missing only a few days per month as husband Brad traveled for work. "When he was traveling, we tried to make up for it," said Charla.

Both books are selling very well, though "Just Do It" is doing somewhat better on bestseller lists, some say because the details of the 101-day sexathon are more graphic, and the reader feels like he or she "is part of a threesome."

Think you could do it? It might not solve all your problems, say psychologists and sex therapists. "There’s all sorts of reasons people lose interest in sex with their partner; disappointments, life cycles, financial issues. Just having [sex] isn’t going to resolve those."

But for the Mullers and the Browns, they say it definitely brought them closer. "[We had] this intense closeness," said Annie Brown of the 101-day experience. "We were so aware of wherever the other person was mentally and emotionally, and physically."

The Browns say they didn’t have sex for a month after the 101st day, but that their frequency these days is better than it was before the experiment.

The Mullers, too, say that sex is better these days, and they’re glad for their year-long tryst. "It made it much easier to be open to the idea, more spontaneous," says Charla Muller. "It was a really meaningful lesson."


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Problems in Getting the Sex Life You Want and Deserve - Starting With C

Lifestyle Zone. By Levi Reiss - An alphabetical guideline of dealing with the problems in your sex life and perhaps your love life. Whether you want a committed relationship, a one-night stand, or something in between we provide suggestions, guidelines, and tips for getting and staying there. While we focus on the negative, on mistakes that are easy to make and hard to repair, we make positive suggestions as well. This article focuses on control, capitulate, and compete.

Whether heterosexual, homosexual, or somewhere in the middle we all want to improve our sex life. Who wants to be alone? We can’t offer you an article, magic pill, perfume, potion, or pick-up line that will automatically send you and your intended partner to the bedroom. However, I really do believe that you can perk up your sex life whoever you are. We present a double series of articles for the letter C.

This article focuses on the problems and pitfalls that prevent you from improving your sex life. Another series focuses on what you should be doing. Both our "negative" and "positive" suggestions will help you get what you want.

C is for control. This is a big one. One of the worst things in a relationship is being a control freak. You know the kind, everything has to be done his or her way. If that’s your modus operandi, learn to cut a little slack. The world won’t collapse if dinner or even sex is ten minutes late. If you want to fill your stomach early what about taking a more active part in preparing the meal? Oh, you say that you just got home from work; in that case what about getting things started the night before? Needless to say, with control freaks the real issue is the act of being the boss, and the dinner or other bone of contention itself is quite secondary. Of course control freaks are a pain in bed, sometimes quite literally. Everything has to be done their way. So much for spontaneity. One the great aspects of sex is letting the activities take their course. Turn each other on, and see what happens. And don’t let control issues get in the way.

C is for capitulate. This is the flip side of control, and is also a no-no. Sure it’s good to compromise. But capitulation is not compromise. Totally giving in to your partner’s demands is no good for the relationship, or even the sex act itself. If you are doing something that’s really contrary to what pleases you, you’re unlikely to enjoy yourself. And unless your partner is a control freak or totally insensitive, he or she should pick up on the problem and also be unsatisfied. Stand your ground. It’s important.

C is for compete. Sex is supposed to be an example of cooperation, many would say the supreme example of cooperation between (occasionally among) consenting adults. Don’t compete with your partner in bed. Another form of competition best avoided is the locker-room conversation, with participants asserting that they are the greatest lover, often in numeric terms. Kiss and tell might not be so bad, but adult locker-room conversations rarely involve kissing.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.

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Female Orgasm

2008/07/01

Ringkasan ini tidak tersedia. Harap klik di sini untuk melihat postingan.

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Monday misery all in the mind

Lifestyle Zone. Monday morning blues are a figment of the imagination, according to new research that reveals we are just as happy at the start of the week as at the end. Studies by University of Sydney psychologists have found that with foresight and hindsight people dread Monday mornings the most and love Friday evenings more than any other time.

But a closer look at daily mood shows there is actually very little variation in our happiness levels over a week.

"We found that the Monday morning blues and Thank God It's Friday are largely inaccurate theories of how moods vary when they actually don't," said lead researcher Professor Charles Areni.

"Mondays are not actually blue at all, but we persist in the belief that they are."

The research team collected mood information from hundreds of Sydneysiders, asking them for their worst and best morning and evening of the week.

Another study tracked their actual mood day by day, with the results compared in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology.

"As it turned out, the real low point of the week we found was Wednesday, not Monday, and that mood change was only slight," Prof Areni said.

He said the day-of-the-week stereotypes stemmed from a cultural belief that people were generally happier when they were free to choose their activities compared to when they were sitting at a desk.

"Monday morning is remembered and predicted to be the worst part of the week because it is the first work day after two days of free time, and because four work days follow before the next period of free time," he said.

"Likewise, Friday evening is the best part of the week because it marks the beginning of an extended period of free time."

He said the finding was linked to a growing body of research that said humans may overvalue choice.

"The freedom to choose is a foundation of Western ideology. We value it hugely and the idea of it being taken away, as it is at work, is terrible," Prof Areni said.

"But in reality it's not so bad, so maybe choice is not all it's cracked up to be."

Professor Bill von Hippel, a social psychologist at the University of Queensland, said the findings supported other research showing humans were very poor at predicting or reflecting on mood.

"It makes perfect sense to be excited about the concept of Friday night and to think Monday mornings are awful," Prof von Hippel siad.

"But the truth is when these times roll around there's so many other things happening our lives that these predicted ups and downs tend to even out."

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Gays opt for rent-a-womb babies

Lifestyle. More than 100 gay Australian couples have paid $80,000 to create a baby using rent-a-womb women in the United States, a fertility clinic has revealed.

The controversial scheme, branded as "one-stop baby shopping", is becoming increasingly popular among professional gay men in Sydney and Melbourne, according to The Fertility Institutes based in Los Angeles.

"We've seen more than 125 gay couples from Australia who have gone home with a baby," said the clinic's medical director, Dr Jeffrey Steinberg.

"We're up to six to eight a month now, which is a four-fold increase over two years ago.

"That makes Australia one of our biggest markets, neck-and-neck with Britain."

The specialist program, the first dedicated to two-father families, allows gay men to pay for surrogate children, a practice which is illegal in Australia.

Couples pick a donor from a list of 400 university students and her eggs are then implanted in a different woman who bears the child.

The process allows sex selection and complete anonymity between the male parents and the donor.

"They are almost all professional, working men who obviously have a bit of money and desperately want a child," Dr Steinberg said.

"They've got busy lives and obviously a lot of restrictions on them down in Australia so it's something we can sort out for them for between $US75,000 and US$80,000."

Surrogacy laws in Australia vary from state to state, with altruistic surrogacy, in which the woman who carries the child is not paid, allowed in some jurisdictions.

State and federal governments are moving to consider nationally consistent law on the practice, however, this is unlikely to be extended to gay couples.

Britain, Canada and many Asian nations are similar, while the US has legalised paid surrogacy for all couples.

One Melbourne couple going through the process, Simon and Tony, say the US situation offered "huge hope" for their wish to be parents.

"We were simply unable to do that here unless we wanted to take the turkey baster option, and that wasn't available to us," said Simon, who requested anonymity.

The couple, whose surrogate is yet to conceive, know of six other Australian couples who have baby through the scheme.

Rod Goodbun, a spokesman for Action Reform Change Queensland, said it was important gay couples had such options available to them in Australia, ideally under an altruistic arrangement.

But Professor Michael Chapman from Sydney IVF said the nation was not ready for such a step, especially if those involved were paid.

"If a service is provided overseas then so be it but community norms at this point in time would not support it here."

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Absolutely the best lovemaking positions for your pleasure!

Lifestyle. One of the most important aspects to a great sex life is the use of various positions for sexual intercourse. Surprisingly, many people only practice one or two positions, but after years of repetition, sex can become monotonous. So here you are, finally ready to experiment with some new and sometimes wild positions in order to enhance both you and your partner’s sexual pleasure. Some of the best lovemaking positions are listed below to offer you a whole new world of erotic and sensual excitement in the bedroom. Remember, these positions are basic starting points; it is up to you to add your personal sensuous flair to your love sessions!

Best Lovemaking PositionsUpdated Missionary: Here is a new twist to a common position. The woman lies flat on her back with her legs straight up in the air, or resting against the man’s chest, while the man is above her to enter her in the kneeling position, or with his legs extended behind him. It allows for deep penetration, and the woman’s hands are free to explore and caress her partner. For increased erotic stimulation, help him manipulate your clitoris or touch his penis as he is thrusting into you.

Side by Side or ‘Doggie Style’: With the woman bent on all fours, the man enters her from behind. It allows deep penetration and full control for the man, evoking carnal desires and intense orgasms for both of you - one of the best lovemaking positions.

Leapfrog: Much like the side by side position, except that the woman falls forward against her knees while the man enters her from behind. This position is ideal for those who wish less penetration due to discomfort. The man is able to caress the woman’s back and buttocks with his hands.

Astride or ‘Woman on Top’: As one of the best lovemaking positions, it is very effective for both deep and shallow penetration. In this almost reverse missionary position, the woman sits on the man’s erect penis with her knees bent, or her feet flat at the man’s sides, while he is lying on his back. This position allows the woman complete movement control. Experiment with your hands or turn around and face his feet. It is guaranteed to drive him wild!

Scissors or ‘Cuissade’: As the man is lying on his side with his bottom leg slightly bent, the penis is inserted while one of the woman’s leg lies over and against the side of his waist, and the other is under his leg to create a scissor-like picture. Though initially tricky to master, many people choose this position as the best way to achieve intense orgasm, possibly even multiple orgasms. Once the man finds that ever-so-sensitive spot, it will surely become one of your favorite lovemaking positions!

When trying any or all of these best lovemaking positions, communication with your partner is not only important, but also an erotic experience. Listen and learn from each other as to what turns you on, and reap the benefits of a satisfying and joyful sex life!

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Women choose TV over sex

2008/06/27

Lifestyle. IT may explain a lack of understanding between the sexes, or it just may mean our men need a sex lesson, but many women admit they are so hooked on their favourite TV shows they speed up sex so they don't miss them.
The UK's Sun paper reports that almost a fifth would even give up the chance of a romp in favour of slumping in front of Home and Away or Sex And The City.

Others plan annual holidays around the TV schedules or lie to friends about being busy so they can avoid missing their programme, a new study has revealed.

Telecoms firm Tiscali which quizzed 1,600 adults, found 17 per cent of women aged 16 to 24 will either race through sex or put it off altogether to get in front of the TV in time.

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The Grounded Gardener: Group has a nose for the best Northwest roses

With more than 3,000 possible roses to choose from, it's nice to have someone else sort through and pick out the highlights -- those roses that will grow and bloom well in your garden and mine.

That's what the All-America Rose Selections (AARS) program does.

Each year, new roses are planted out at trial gardens across the country, such as the Woodland Park Rose Garden. After a two-year test, AARS releases the results, and a chosen few become All-Americas. And then, says Steve Herbig, horticulturist at Point Defiance Rose Garden in Tacoma, "We get to display the winning roses."

But national honors haven't always translated into local fame. The few roses honored each year exhibit generally good characteristics for the country, not specifically for the Pacific Northwest.

So this year, AARS went a step further: The program announced Region's Choice winners, selected from previous national winners, to showcase the roses that are best for particular growing areas.

The 10 roses selected for the Pacific Northwest (and Northern California) encompass a variety of styles. So whether you are looking for a hybrid tea -- good long stems for cutting -- or an accommodating shrub for the border, or a low-growing landscape rose, you'll find one here.

The traditional rose garden includes many hybrid teas, those large, commanding plants that grow upright and produce single flowers on strong stems. Grandifloras are similar to hybrid teas, but usually carry more than one flower per stem and don't grow quite as large as the teas.

But don't tell that to 'Sunset Celebration,' one of the AARS regional choices for the Pacific Northwest. "It's a beast of a rose," Herbig says, adding that one at Point Defiance reached 12 feet easily.

It's worth the space. With fragrant blossoms of warm peach to apricot coloring that just keep coming, it will be a rose that you and your neighbors will admire. Just be sure that, if you let it reach its full potential, you provide it with a sturdy support system, such as a strong metal arbor or arch.

Floribundas are easy to incorporate into the landscape, and they usually are long-blooming. That includes 'Day Breaker,' another regional AARS choice, which combines a light-apricot color with tea fragrance, and 'Honey Perfume,' with apricot-yellow flowers.

Small-growing roses are not left off the list for our area. 'Carefree Wonder' is a landscape shrub to about 4 feet high and wide with loads of medium-pink flowers that keep coming.

The appeal of all those roses is obvious, not just to us, but -- as many readers are thinking -- to the local deer population, too.

No problem with deer in my neighborhood, because they rarely escape the zoo nearby, but Herbig has had to match wits with the Point Defiance population.

"We've tried a number of things," he says, "strobe lights, flood lights, sonic noisemakers, soap, cougar dung -- I was the lucky one who got to put that out." Even humans got into the act: From 8 p.m. until morning, a patrol would watch from the gazebo in the garden and chase out any intruders.

"We discovered a doe that would drop her fawns off on one side," Herbig says, "and then go around to the other side. She'd get chased away, but her fawns would get to eat."

Lights, sounds or smells would work for a while, but the deer became accustomed to the deterrents and then ignored them. The only thing that works: a tall, industrial metal fence that is painted black. "You look right through it," Herbig says, so for us it blends into the landscape, but for the deer, it's a barrier.

Point Defiance roses grow well without deer interference, and with a fertilizer regimen. Herbig uses Puyallup Rose Food, a recipe devised by the Puyallup Rose Society and sold by the Tacoma Rose Society each early spring.

The Tacoma group advises on the Point Defiance garden and schedules a pruning day in early March -- good thing, too; no telling how long it would take Herbig to prune 1,500 roses.

Go soon to visit the garden. Late May and the beginning of June are peak times for roses, and the Point Defiance Flower & Garden Show is on June 6-8 (ptdefianceflowershow.com), which is another great reason for a visit. But don't despair if you can't make it then, Herbig says there are roses in bloom until October.

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More business owners ask that parents control their kids -- or don't bring them

By KRISTIN DIZON

Lifestyle. In businesses and offices around Seattle, more and more signs are asking people to supervise their young children -- or leave them at home.

To some, it seems like reasonable boundary setting. To others, it smacks of anti-child attitudes, especially in an age when parents are more likely to tote children everywhere and incorporate them into their lifestyles. Naturally, they take offense at a stranger's attempt to guide their public parenting.

Business owners say they must guard safety and liability, protect their merchandise or the specific atmosphere they've created, or ensure that a space doesn't become dominated by kids to the dismay of other patrons.

At Diva Espresso's six locations around Seattle, a sign reads: "Unsupervised children will be given espresso and a puppy." It's a playful reminder that parents should mind their little ones, and because of the tone, owner Steve Barker said it's rare for someone to be miffed about it.

Barker said he posted the notice after children had twice broken his glass pastry case by banging on it.

"We were concerned about the safety of the kids and a lawsuit, which in this day and age happens," said Barker, who now uses plastic glass to front the case.

Feedback from customers has largely been good.

"We've had people ask for copies of it," he said.

And the sign got nowhere near the reaction as one reminding people that, per health department code, dogs are not allowed in the coffee shop. Same goes for another sign asking people to hang up their cell phones while ordering. That one has since been removed.

At a Phinney Ridge-area coffee shop, some patrons bristled at a sign that reminded them, "If you bring children to our shop, we ask that you please be considerate of noise levels and of others' space."

To Jessica Rose, who takes her two sons to the shop for doughnuts once a week, the sign singled out kids.

"It sort of made you feel like the only people in the world who are disruptive are children," said Rose, who works nearby. She said plenty of laptoppers clack away and sometimes answer calls in the cafe.

"They just kind of look at you, like, 'Why are you in my office? And, I just kind of look at them like, 'Why are you in my coffee shop?' " Rose said.

The owner of the shop, who talked on condition of anonymity for himself and his business, said the sign has been retired but that "99 percent or more of the people were happy to see it."

He added that his staff sometimes gives a gentle reminder to people talking loud on a phone, or parents of rambunctious children.

"People feel like you're telling them how to handle their children, and that ends up being the sticky sore spot. You're just trying to protect your business and people think they're trying to tell them how to run their lives."

Earlier this year, a story in The New York Times chronicled the outcry from parents when a popular Brooklyn pub banned strollers and went 21 and over. Two years ago, parents in a kid-filled Chicago neighborhood fumed when a cafe posted a sign that children "have to behave and use their indoor voices." Some boycotted the bakery.

While parents here haven't erupted to that extent, there are pockets of angry rebuke.

A sign at Duque + Duque in Ballard reads: "About the little ones ... Due to the delicate nature of our business, we ask that children not be brought into the salon, spa or boutique. Thank you."

Owner Giovanna Duque said despite the gentle language, reaction is sometimes fierce.

"It caused a huge amount of upset. We've had mothers on the sidewalk giving us the finger over the top of the baby stroller," Duque said. Another woman, 2-year-old in tow, cursed at the staff over the policy before she was escorted out.

"She was screaming that she was going to call police and who do we think we are? The sense of entitlement is incredible," Duque said. "Who am I? I'm the owner."

Another reason for the sign is that unsupervised children have destroyed or damaged merchandise in the boutique -- and only on one occasion did a parent offer to replace the broken item.

"I love children and they're just learning their boundaries. We are not anti-children at all," said Duque, whose two grown children work with her.

But, she said, the family has worked hard to create an environment in which women can get away from it all.

"We did it because we're an oasis for women -- we believe that mothers are the hardest workers on the planet and deserve a break without kids," she said.

Other times, it's hard for a business to focus on customers when children are disruptive.

At Habitude, an upscale salon and spa in Ballard, owner Inez Gray also asks parents to leave young children home. The reaction is sometimes acrimonious or emotional, particularly from new moms.

"Certainly it's been very difficult for some of our customers, especially nursing moms," she said. "We've had a lot of push-back from moms who say we're not a family place and we don't cater to kids."

Some have tried to get their hair bleached while nursing under the plastic cape, but Gray says it's dangerous to work with strong chemicals, or scissors and razors, around babies.

"The moms typically say, 'Well, she's just going to sleep in her car seat for three hours. I just fed her,' " said Gray, a mother of three. "And, there's a good chance that that's true. But for every five that might do that, there's one who's not going to."

At Pike Place Magic Shop, a decade-old sign reads: "Stray children will be sold to the highest bidder."

It used to say such children would be sold to Gypsies, but after some Gypsies complained about insensitivity, it was changed, co-owner Sheila Lyon said.

"Most of the kids -- I'd say 85 percent -- are great," said Lyon. "Every once in a while, the kids start jumping or screaming or running around and the parents don't say anything."

More than anywhere in Seattle, the emotional tug of war over children's behavior in public seems to center on fancier restaurants, where plenty of diners want adult ambience sans running toddlers and the potential of a noisy meltdown.

Many parents, such as Rebecca Staffel, say they carefully select where their kids dine. Her daughter Meg, 9, eats with her parents at plenty of kid-friendly restaurants such as The Hi-Life and Wild Mountain Cafe, but she also visits white-tablecloth restaurants such as Restaurant Zoe.

"When we go places that are a little bit grown up, we talk abut having princess manners -- that's sort of the code for keeping it together," said Staffel, a Microsoft contractor. "The current mind-set in parenting is bring the child everywhere. I don't have a problem with that," she said, "if it's accompanied with fine discipline."

Beyond individual experiences, much disgruntlement is expressed online, where the aggrieved unleash their displeasure at kids in public spaces. If you judge by certain message boards, you'd think out-of-control kids and clueless parents were rampant in Seattle.

Part of the problem is the language -- which flames quickly from campfire to raging inferno. People with children are considered breeders of hairless monkeys who travel in stroller herds, while urban singles are selfish, anti-child hipsters who will die alone.

Parents point out that children are -- no surprise -- unpredictable, and that learning how to behave well in public is a process that takes time. Some add that, if you think it's so easy, you're welcome to give it a try.

"Even the best-behaved child is going to have a bad day and throw themselves down on the ground and scream," said Rose, a Wallingford mother of two. "I'm sure my children have annoyed countless strangers over the years, but they've annoyed me, too. As a parent, you don't have a magic wand you can wave to make them behave."

Reality is, "Everyone's had the experience of being around parents who aren't doing their best," said Rose. "I think it goes without saying that if you go somewhere with children they should act in a way that's appropriate and respectful."

But behavior standards do vary.

"No matter what you do as a parent," Rose said, "there's someone telling you you're doing wrong."

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Coming (Or Not)

2008/06/23

Three whimsical little vignettes about the joys and perils of that physical phenomenon we call, coming.

I have finally(long story!) decided to go on the pill. And for the first time ever, tonight, A will leave a tide of his cum unobstructed and uninterrupted inside my pussy.

The most basic act between a man and woman, and the purest, yet it’s been years since I’ve felt open and committed enough with anyone to allow it. But now, I am longing for it, something deeply fundamental inside me aches for it. I am a blank canvas, an empty cup waiting to be fucked, filled. Finished.

Never have I been so excited by a man’s orgasm.

It will be over quickly, I estimate half an hour tops. My hands are gripping his back while he rides me. Each thrust is determined, deliberate. His climax is the raison d’etre of our lovemaking tonight.

I love watching his cock, plunging into my depths only to resurface moments later wet but triumphant. I follow the metronome rhythm of his thrusts and my moans rise in syncopated chorus – Yes. Now. Soon. Oh. God.

The veins on his neck swell and his face crumples with concentration. There’s no holding back now. I’m melting. His hips are grinding to the finish, and his head is next to mine now. The hairs on the side of my ear vibrate with his whispers:

“Do you know, what I’m giving…you? My life. My essence…I’m pumping you full of my sperm. I want you to feel it on your cervix, in your womb… I’m giving myself to you.”

He is gasping between breaths now, shuddering, his handsome face crumpled with concentration. “All I have…Baby, everything…do you want it?”

“Yes, I do.”

********************

A little while later, when I can no longer feel his tremors, he rests his nose on the side of my cheek and speaks into my lips: “I thought we were going to come together, Baby.”

“We are.”

“But you didn’t…?”

“Are you sure of that?” I give my clitoris a hard rub and propel myself off his detumescent cock, a clear unfettered stream of fluid surges forth and hits the carpet. It is followed by the more gelatinous drip of his ejaculate, sluggishly creeping down my thigh.

“See? Told you we’d come together.” I grin while he joyfully scrambles for a nearby towel.

********************

There’s an insistent stabbing at my lower back and I surface, momentarily, from sleep. I can tell from the milky way that light is streaming through my blinds, it’s early. Or at least earlier than my rightful wake-up time, which on most weekends I like to delay to as late as possible.

“Mmffphmmmff?” Obviously, a rhetorical question.

“Morning Baby!” comes the chirpy reply. I groan inwardly. Why is he awake? Why is he so energetic? We had only switched off the lights 3 hours before and I was feeling it.

“Go back too schlweep…” I mumble, the side of my cheek cracking slightly to accommodate the movement of my lips. I wade back under the shroud of nothingness.

Then, again. Jab. Jab. Jab. Lower this time, just grazing the skin above my arsehole.

He tries to pull me into a cuddle, or perhaps maneuver a better strategic position. But I curl up into a ball facing the wall, my body language clearly saying ‘GO AWAY OR ELSE’. It seems to work.

For a few minutes, the Morning Glory and Human Pincushion call it a truce, but not for long. “Baby, are you horny?” comes his voice, a mere few minutes later, pleading this time.

More pleading and prodding. There is no denying it. His cock is rock-hard, and dying to be emptied of its contents. Well that’s because the poor man has held himself back for an entire night of lovemaking with you, I think to myself, my sympathies rising momentarily to the surface.

God knows I don’t hold back. I never do. The bed is still wet with my juice, so much so that moisture has soaked through the industrial-size towels we laid down on it before going to sleep. I can never come up with a reasonable explanation when visiting friends ask, why a girl living alone has 25 towels in her closet.

“I’m not really in the mood,” I say in a small voice, half-muffled by the pillow. I don’t want to be uncharitable but it’s physically difficult for me to get aroused in the morning. Actually, it’s physically difficult for me to do just about anything in the morning except lie still and snore.

Not that this seems to deter him in the slightest. “That’s ok! Just turn around and open your legs slightly,” he says.

I do so, angling my butt towards him. I hear him uncapping the little blue bottle of lube and smearing some on his cock. Then the air whooshes out of my lungs as he plunges suddenly into me.

“Ohhhh, uhhhh,” I moan. His pace is ferocious, and I feel him chafing away at the tender skin of my perineum. My lower body starts to tingle and awaken, my pussy beginning to open and silken. I can feel the sprigs of pleasure growing through my blood.

“I’m coming,” he pants.

“No!” I scream in protest. But it is too late.

He makes a funny sound in his throat, half-groan half-splutter, as if he is suddenly drowning in his own spit. Everything grinds to a halt. He holds himself rigid for a few seconds, a look of astonishment on his face. I think maybe, just maybe, he might have caught himself in time, until I feel a weakening pressure against the walls of my pussy and his wetness leaking away.

“I can’t believe it! You just used me like a cum-bucket!” I turn to face him accusingly, my pussy feeling a familiar ache. I only get helpless laughter in return. “Now I’m horny!”

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Top 10 Reasons why Sash is Rubbish at Relationships

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Change - or be Changed?

“Oh my god! It’s so weird to hear you, of all people, say you have a boyfriend!”

I was having drinks with an old friend from Singapore – someone who was familiar with the younger, more imprudent me, and whom I hadn’t seen in years.

“I know,” I said, glancing away quickly. “Weird. To be fair, I only started calling him my boyfriend slightly more than a year ago. Before that, he was just my…”

“Fuckbuddy?”

“Um, no, not really. Stopover fuck’s more like it.”

“Is that higher or lower than a fuckbuddy in the grand scheme of things?”

“I’m not sure. He was never a ‘buddy’ – I never really wanted him to just be my friend. I think he was in a special category all by himself.”

“Ok, so when did he become your boyfriend then?”

I thought for a long while. It’s hard to say exactly when A first became my boyfriend, in both name and spirit. There was no one momentous occasion with bells ringing and birds chirping, but rather, as these things tend to go, a culmination of gestures and intimations that seemed so natural at the time, I never once stopped to think what they all meant.

Was it when he first said “I love you”? Was it when he stopped sleeping with other people – or was it when I did? Or maybe it was the moment I gave him the key to my apartment, asking that he call it his own. Or could it have been the numerous little epiphanies that I got along the way writing about him on this blog?

Maybe the truth lies in the truly mundane. I mean how many times can a girl read, and re-read, and re-read, and re-read, and re-read a single text message? (Without losing her eyesight, that is.) Well in my case, a fair estimate might be…more than a few dozen? And I still smile too. I have over a hundred of his texts saved in my phone, and my favourite one dates from as far back as July 2006.

I tried hard to remember when I said my first “I love you”. Because surely that would have given me the answer to my friend’s question. But I couldn’t. (Admittedly my excuse is that I was highly intoxicated at the time.) But I’ve said it too many times to count since. And besides, I probably meant, showed and indicated it in a myriad of ways before my tongue got into the act of forming the actual words.

In that way, I think sometimes the body is wiser than the mind. Even from the first time, I marveled at how my body fit into his. How he took my hand to cross the road while we were walking back to the hotel and how I smiled, and curled my fingers around his without breaking stride. Or into a cold sweat.

How after sex, I knew exactly how to curl up him like a limpet, resting my head along the crook between his collarbone and chest, and letting our post-coital smells spontaneously mingle.

And how we kissed. Oh, how we kissed. We only started doing this later on in the relationship, him having never been too big on ‘the kissing thing’ when he was with other women. But the first time he decided to take me in his arms, using his lips to smother, suckle and caress me with wild abandon, I was lost.

More importantly, my body had stopped enjoying sex with other people way before my mind cared to concede. In fact, it took me a streak of rather unenjoyable encounters – including one where I had to literally sneak out of someone’s apartment like a thief while he was sleeping (leaving no note, and definitely no number!) – to make me sit up and think…

Waitaminute. Whatthehelljusthappened? That used to be fun.

So where does all this leave us? I suppose with the old adage that change happens – even to the unlikeliest candidate of us all. And the best kind of change feels natural, and organic, and not impelled by anyone else but yourself. The funny thing with change of course, is that it’s only when somebody shines a ‘blast from the past’ spotlight on you, that you realise it’s actually happened.

Otherwise, you’d just think you were being you.

Ever heard the phrase, “I love you, but I love me more?” It’s a phrase that maybe Sash would have used. Or anyone with a strong, uncompromising sense of self. And in all my previous relationships, I had always felt this epic tussle between the real me and the ‘me’ that the other person wanted me to be.

It never felt quite right.

Because how much can you truly change about yourself on behalf of someone else? A lot of people pretend, all their lives even, whilst scurrying away to hide their dirty secrets from prying eyes. But I never wanted to pretend. And I never wanted to compromise. And maybe that’s why it took me such a long time, and such a lot of tries to get it right.

Because finally, I’ve found someone that I can just be me with. Kinky, quirky, funny soulful me.

And that’s what changed. I’ve found my home, my family, my anchor and my truth in another person. And I suppose, for the first time, after 2 years and 9 months, I can finally say, with some degree of certainty, that I’m content in a way that comes from knowing indeed, there is someone out there for me. Yes, for even ‘difficult cases’ like me. So there’s hope for all.

Maybe that’s why I stopped blogging – because in a way, I’ve stopped searching. I’m still me but I can’t be Sash anymore. Not in the way you know me anyhow. Ferociously hunting for the next man, the next high, the next hedonistic adventure, the next blogworthy anecdote. Just because I could. And also because in a way, playing the game and exerting my sexual power had become my heroin.

But now, I’ve realised that it’s not the end of the world when I can’t get laid with that super-handsome, well-dressed, alpha-male of a man that’s looking sideways at me across the bar…

So you see, there is simply no more sexual pathos. Or so it seems for now, anyway.

Because when I do go out looking for sexual adventure – which still happens, mind you, pretty often – I go out looking in tandem. And boy is it fun to hunt in a pack. I know I have the best wingman I could ever ask for by my side, and the best fall-back plan if things don’t work out.

Someone who makes me laugh till my sides ache, fucks the living bejesus out of me, snuggles up in the morning when its cold, and treats me with the utmost patience, respect and forgiveness on days leading up to my period.

He is my biggest adventure. And even till this day, there’s a sense of newness to our relationship. Perhaps because every day with him is a revelation of the depth and nuance of feeling that I am capable of with him.

But I can’t risk boring you with any more details. Really, the last thing the world needs is yet another rosy-eyed romantic grandiosely espousing the life-changing power of love. And please, I beg of you not to put me in that category.

I don’t believe in happy endings, but there’s something to be said for happy beginnings, and middles.

Because they’re just wonderful. :)

P.S. And that pesky monogamy thing? We have a deal that I’ll stay faithful as long as he makes sure that I always have the most mind-blowing sex a girl like me could possibly want and have. And also, that he brings home guys for the occasional dp. ;)

P.P.S. To my beloved, thank you and happy 40th.

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Seeking Love

Lifestyle. About three years after my marriage ended, friends started nudging me. "It's time," they said. "You need to get back out there." Dating sounded about as appealing as being air-dropped naked into Antarctica. And once I began, that's pretty much how it felt. The dating game was hard enough when I was in my 20s—now I not only had a demanding career, a mortgage, and stretch marks, I also had two young critics. ("You're wearing that?" my daughter commented as I left the house for one of my first outings. "He seems nice," my son said after meeting my date. "What is he—about 100?")

But being the lone single at dinner parties of my friends was getting to be tedious.

So I took the leap. I placed a personal ad in an outdoorsy magazine, started with a few coffee dates, and attempted to rebuild my faith in the whole tortured process. Before long, one thing became clear: I realized that if I were patient, sooner or later I would get that chance at second love.

I also learned that the grown-up dating game has never been so interesting. There are more players than ever before: Higher divorce rates, longer life spans, and a greater tendency to never marry are churning out more single Americans than at any other time in the country's history. Of the 97 million Americans who are 45 or older, almost 40 percent—36.2 million—are on the loose, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

We have more creative ways of finding each other, too. While the go-get-'em spirit of baby boomers had already created a bumper crop of dating services, personal-ad vehicles, and Club Med-inspired singles vacations by the mid-1980s, the more recent Internet explosion has made looking for love as routine as shopping for cheap airfares.

Being single later in life is becoming the norm. "The stigma of looking for someone is vanishing," says Susan Fox, founder of Personals Work, a Boston-based service that helps people create effective personal ads. "You get over your embarrassment when you look around and see how common it is."

People today are often as open about their adventures in dating as they are about buying books on Amazon.com. CEOs seem to have no qualms about posting a picture of themselves in Bermuda shorts in an Internet personal ad—shareholders be damned. The New York Times regularly details dating success stories in its wedding announcements.

Not only are we bolder, there's plenty of evidence that we're better at dating than younger people. "The one thing that our research continually shows is that the older a person gets, the more he or she becomes a practical dater, as opposed to being emotionally driven," says Trish McDermott, vice president of romance (now there's a title!) for Match.com. Single Americans over 55 are the group least likely to believe their romantic lives are controlled by destiny, she says, or that they have only one soul mate. Some are also optimistic; more than one in five believe they will find romance this year.

And many will. One reason for this is that we bring realistic expectations to dating. (For example, surveys show that single people in their 50s are among the least likely to expect a long-term commitment.) We're also more flexible and open-minded about finding someone.

"Younger people—especially those in their 20s and 30s—tend to be very idealistic in their search for a mate, and are so swept up in their careers that it's harder for them to make the time it takes to get to know someone," says Anne Lambert, a coordinator at Science Connection, a dating service for people with backgrounds and interests in science and nature.

In contrast, singles in their 50s have greater wisdom and grace in dealing with people, which helps in dating.

Statistics may show that we're successful when we hunt, but too many 50-plus people have given up and resigned themselves to watching Letterman alone. For instance, our new singles survey of 3,501 Americans ages 40 through 69 found that 43 percent didn't have one first date last year. We'd like to think that many of them already have a steady partner, but that's not the case: Thirty-six percent of those in their 50s admitted they hadn't been kissed or hugged even once in the last six months.

There's a one-word explanation for such abundant aloneness: divorce. As recently as 25 years ago, when someone over 50 was on the prowl, most people assumed that the person was widowed. But that's changed radically; today, a solo person in his or her 50s is far more likely to be divorced than widowed. About 15.4 percent of all Americans in their 50s are divorced, while 6.2 percent have never been married. Only 4.4 percent are widowed.

To a married person, such statistics sound like hairsplitting. But anyone who has ever endured the agony of Bitter-Ex Syndrome on a first date knows the effect divorce can have on finding a new relationship. What's more, research shows that those who have fled unhappy marriages may be less likely to remarry later in life. Many paddle around the dating pool indefinitely, very much aware that second marriages are statistically more likely to fail than first marriages.

This is no doubt one reason that the number of older singles who shack up without marrying has skyrocketed. Recent data from the U.S. Census found that among households headed by a person who is 45 or older, 1.2 million contain two adults who are not related or married to each other. That represents a dramatic increase from 1995, when just 736,000 of such households contained two unmarried adults.

Carolyn Taft, 57, from Duxbury, Massachusetts, spent the first 15 years after her divorce on the dating sidelines, swept up in the day-to-day tumult of raising her children and working "humongous hours in venture capital—my social life was pretty much zip," she says. When she finally began to go out again, she found the dating scene to be far different from her younger experiences.

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Dogs under the doona

2008/06/19

Lifestyle. Ashgrove veterinary nurse Sandy Collis counts her lucky stars for the day she met partner Duane Cannell.

He was one of the few people who did not shudder in horror when she revealed she shares her bed with a couple of dogs.

Now Schnitzel, a four-year-old schnauzer, and Pollywaffle, a three-year-old spoodle, have been joined in the bedroom by Cannell's own dog, Jackson, a border collie-cross, who has been upgraded to his own mattress at the bottom of the family bed.
"He loves them as much as I do. Schnitzel is such a little, fat, round hot water bottle, so we both like sleeping near him.

"When I was living by myself it could be quite scary so I felt more secure with the dogs in the bed."

Collis says occasional snoring sometimes keeps her awake (especially from Cannell) but, usually, all five of them sleep well.

Writer Amanda Logan shares her marital bed with two dogs, who boast a combined weight of more than 50kg, despite knowing the practice is frowned on by animal training experts.

Logan and her engineer husband, Pete, upgraded to a king-size bed earlier this year to accommodate their seven-year-old dogs - Ruben, a 30kg labrador/staffy-cross and Ella, a 23kg doberman/kelpie-cross.

Logan, who who has just sold her pet supplies business and doggy daycare centre, knows it's not considered proper behaviour by dog trainers but she is confident she has the situation under control.

She says Ruben, who lies in a spoon position, and Ella, who sleeps at their feet, have been in and out of the bed for the past six years.

"I was a very good dog owner and the dogs started out in our laundry, then we moved them outside with their own kennels. But then we moved and were renovating (with no fence) and my husband then went overseas for three months to South America so the dogs moved into the bed," Logan says.

"They slept out in the lounge room for quite a while but towards the end of last year they were back in the bed again because Ella had an operation.

"Our friends think we are insane."

Collis and Logan say that they would not have allowed their dogs in the bed if they were aggressive or domineering but both women feel comfortable that the humans in the relationship are seen as the pack leaders.

"It depends on the personality and breed types," Collis says. "You don't want dominant dogs in bed with you but there's no challenging in our house - I'm still the boss.

"Luckily our dogs haven't shown any sign of aggression but have such lovely natures."

Vet Mark Debritz, of Ashgrove Ave Veterinary Clinic, on Brisbane's northwest, says allowing dogs in the bed is up to the individual.

He owns a Jack Russell breed which is too active to sleep inside.

"Often people are in a situation where their pet is their only companion," he says.

"We have a lot of clients who have no children. Their dog is treated as another member of their family to the extent of sharing the bed with them and sitting on the couch, so it's a good stress relief and it's therapeutic.

"It often depends on the temperament of the dog and what you want out of your dog.

"Some people are very structured and issue very stern commands while other people have a casual style.

"Ideally, you want to be in control for obedience and behavioural issues.

"You don't want to become a slave to your pet."

Internationally renowned canine behavioural specialist and dog trainer Val Bonney allows her german shepherd dogs occasionally to lie on her bed - only at her command. They are not allowed to sleep on the bed.

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Coffee IS good for you!

Lifestyle. One of the largest and longest studies of coffee drinking suggests that coffee may indeed boost your lifespan - providing you drink enough of the stuff, that is.

New Scientist says the study tracked 129,000 men and women over two decades. It found that people who consumed several cups of coffee every day were less likely to die of heart disease than those who shied away from the stuff.

Heart disease is an umbrella term for conditions including heart attacks, stroke, and arrhythmia.

The researchers found that women who drank four to five cups per day were 34% less likely to die of heart disease, while men who had more than five cups a day were 44% less likely to die.

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Coffee IS good for you!

Lifestyle. One of the largest and longest studies of coffee drinking suggests that coffee may indeed boost your lifespan - providing you drink enough of the stuff, that is.

New Scientist says the study tracked 129,000 men and women over two decades. It found that people who consumed several cups of coffee every day were less likely to die of heart disease than those who shied away from the stuff.

Heart disease is an umbrella term for conditions including heart attacks, stroke, and arrhythmia.

The researchers found that women who drank four to five cups per day were 34% less likely to die of heart disease, while men who had more than five cups a day were 44% less likely to die.

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How to turn lust into love

LOVE, when misdiagnosed, can hurt.
It is often confusing at the beginning of a relationship to know whether you are in love or lust, because both are powerful, all-consuming feelings.

In the dictionary, love is described as having strong feelings of affection for another person and feeling romantically and sexually attracted to them. It is described as a warm attachment and unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.

Lust, however, is when you have an overwhelming desire or craving: a lust for power over the other person, usually intense or unbridled sexual desire.

Love is about wanting to share your life, whereas lust is often an obsessive desire, with your pleasure the main focus.

Kathleen Darcy, 28, from the inner Brisbane suburb of Milton says: "I knew it was not right with my former boyfriend, even though I mistook my intense feelings for love at the time.

"I would have done anything for this guy and spent the whole relationship bouncing from this exuberated high to a depressing low, where I would question my will to live at the thought of losing him.

"Love is not supposed to feel like that, it felt too negative, too crazy.

"I became totally obsessed with him and was uncontrollable, to my personal detriment and that of the relationship."

According to author and relationship correspondent Matthew Fitzgerald, this confusion is common and evolves because love and lust are inextricably linked.

"With lust you are totally focused on the other person's looks, you don't really care about what they have to say, only when they will see you," Fitzgerald says.

"You also only ever think about having sex with him/her and are happy to leave after this. With love you still have great chemistry but you find them attractive all the time, even when they look terrible.

"With love, you want to spend more time with the person. You start to see a future with them in it.

"This person will bring out your really romantic side, too. You are very defensive of them and they make you want to be a better person."

Brendan (surname withheld), 29, from northside Chermside says: "With Kerrie I knew it was different. I stopped focusing on myself all the time and started to think more about her feelings.

"My previous relationship was very intense with lots of great sex but that fizzled quickly. I realised I wanted more but not with this person, even though I had really been smitten with her initially.

"I guess that is the difference."
Authors, Dr Charles D. Schmitz and Dr Elizabeth A. Schmitz, aka "The Marriage Doctors", say one of the questions they are most frequently asked is: "How do I know if I am in love?"

Through 25 years of research on couples in love, they categorise symptoms of love into seven main areas:

Physical
BEING in love means you have a positive physical reaction when you think of the other person. This can be goose-bumps, a palpitating heart and tingling all over the body.

Emotional
BEING in love is emotional and you feel emotions that you do not routinely feel for others. When you think about or see the person you love, most lovers report similar feelings - "I laugh more often when I am with this person", "an uncontrollable smile comes over my face whenever I see her".

Future plans
THIS is the point in love when you begin to think about the future - your future with the one you love. You cannot imagine your life without him or her because they have now become your future.

Positive worry
LITTLE thoughts about the one you love begin to creep into your mind - things like car accidents, falling down, getting hurt at work or getting sick. These thoughts are normal and natural when you are in love.

Oneness
YOU begin to think about your lover and not just about yourself or your needs. You think about their wants, their needs and their desires. The feeling of oneness consumes you.

Pre-occupation
YOU think about the one you love most of the time. You can't get them out of your mind. You pull their photo out of your wallet and it makes you smile. You are pre-occupied with them, and everything that happens in your day somehow reminds you of them. You want to share all your experiences with them.

Self-expression
YOU have the courage to tell them you love them, without fear of consequence. Suddenly out of nowhere you want to scream: "I love, you, I love you, I love you."

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Girls really do love bad boys

Lifestyle. NEW research has revealed that "bad boys" who are cursed with anti-social personality traits are more successful with the opposite sex than "nice guys".

This week's New Scientist says two studies in the US have found that men with "dark" characters - such as Hollywood hunk Colin Farrell - have the most prolific sex lives.

Pictures: Football bad boysThe so-called "dark triad" traits include impulsiveness, narcissism, thrill-seeking and deceitfulness, it said.

One of the studies, a survey of 35,000 people in 57 countries, found a clear link between dark triad traits and the reproductive success of males.

"It is universal across cultures for high dark triad scorers to be more active in short-term mating," David Schmitt, of Bradley University in the United States, told the New Scientist.

"They are more likely to try and poach other people's partners for a brief affair."

Another study found that males who scored higher in the dark triad personality traits had a greater number of partners and a desire for short relationships.

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Cloned cells kill skin cancer

Lifestyle. DOCTORS have, for the first time, successfully treated a skin cancer patient with cells cloned from his own immune system, according to a new study.

The ground-breaking treatment for advanced melanoma, or skin cancer, led to a long remission for the patient and used his own cloned infection-fighting T-cells, said doctor Cassian Yee, the lead author of the study in the New England Journal of Medicine.

Dr Yee and his associates from the Clinical Research Division at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Centre in Seattle removed CD4+ T-cells, a type of white blood cell, from a 52-year-old man whose melanoma had spread to a groin lymph node and to one of his lungs.

The melanoma was already well advanced and in stage four.

The T-cells which specifically fight melanoma were modified and expanded in the laboratory and some five billion cells were then infused into the patient, who received no other kind of treatment.

Two months later no tumours were found during scans of the patient's organs. And he had been cancer-free for two years, Dr Yee said.

"We were surprised by the anti-tumour effect of these CD4 T cells and its duration of response,'' Dr Yee said.

"For this patient we were successful, but we would need to confirm the effectiveness of therapy in a larger study.''

It was the first ever case to show that cloned cells from a patient's own immune system could successful combat skin cancer. If further tests confirmed the efficiency of the method, it could be used in some 25 per cent of patients with late-stage skin cancer, the study said.

Using a patient's own immune system to combat cancer, called immunotherapy, is a growing area of research that aims to develop less-toxic cancer treatments than standard chemotherapy and radiation.

Some 160,000 cases of melanoma are diagnosed around the world every year, particularly affecting white men living in very sunny regions.

Although it usually affects the skin, in rare cases it can also infect the eyes and intestines.

According to the World Health Organisation, some 48,000 people die from melanoma every year.

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Time to reassess the dad's role in the maternity ward

2008/05/19

Lifestyle. Experts say some fathers can be more of a hindrance than a help to their partner in the labour ward. For Kylli Kidman, there was never a question that husband, Brad, would be there to see her through the rigours of childbirth.

Tell us your bad birthing experiences Have your say "It was just always presumed that he would be there _ and he was fantastic," Kidman, 29, says.
"I think he would have been deeply offended if he hadn't been there."

And so Brad Carlson, 34, is now a member of the well-established club of men who were by their partner's side during labour.

However a world-renowned French-born obstetrician, who is speaking in Brisbane next week, says it's time to question whether it would be better for women if the men stayed away.

"When the man loves his wife, it's normal for him to be anxious and to release stress hormones (during a birth) and these are contagious," says Michel Odent, speaking from London.

Odent argues that men are inclined to panic in the labour room, and even the best intentioned modern man is a distraction to the woman, who should be concentrating on nothing else but the birth.

He also says the appearance of men in labour wards since the 1970s could be a factor in the rise of problem births and medical interventions.

"The fact the father is more anxious can sometimes press the medical team to do something," says Odent, who is also concerned at the numbers of men who develop issues with their sex lives after witnessing childbirth.

His position has opened a fundamental debate among maternity professionals, many of whom, he claims, would agree with him.

"For most men, being at a labour is scary. They don't know what to do," says Griffith University's Dr Jenny Gamble, Queensland spokeswoman for the Australian College of Midwives.

"Should men be in small rooms with a labouring woman? No. Some men should definitely not be there.

"If you think about an unimpeded birth _ the women rock about, cry out and moan. But women feel inhibited doing that in the full glare of lights with their husband there.

"Men should have a flexible role and be able to come and go. The woman should be able to say `get out' without that causing stress in their relationship. He should be able to be dismissed."

Gamble says there is plenty of merit in investigating whether society's expectations of men to be at the birth of their children is linked to higher rates of medical interventions.

Bruce Teakle, a father-of-three and a past president of the Queensland Maternity Coalition, says: "I think a lot of the time men are a liability at birth. They bring a lot of fear and that says a lot about the kind of birth care that they receive."

Teakle was at the birth of all three of his children, but they were born at home which, he says, meant he was "not on alien territory".

Dr Gino Pecoraro, an obstetrician and Australian Medical Association Queensland spokesman, says it would be wrong for anyone to suggest there should be a blanket ban on men in the labour ward.

"It should be for a woman and her partner to decide. I have seen some men terrified at the concept of being there and certainly I have looked after some women who have discussed the issue and decided they are going to bring their mother along instead," Pecoraro says.

Brad Carlson had far more education than most fathers to prepare him for the birth of his child, because the couple employed a doula, Tina Ziegenfusz, a person trained to support couples in pregnancy and birth.

"Having Tina there made a hell of a difference," Carlson says. "When you combine good information and good understanding of what can happen, I'd say it's a necessity for the guy to go in."

Carlson remembers the most difficult time was when medical staff decided Owen would need to be born by caesarean section because of the way he was facing. "I had to wait outside not knowing what was going on. If there was a time that was more stressful, it was when I wasn't with Kylli."

Ziegenfusz says: "The couples I work with, I get the opportunity to do some preparation. "Men being practical-minded respond well to that. Dads who don't have the benefit of that might have to go to hospital classes that don't really prepare them for what they are going to see."

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These Tattoos are Ink Fashion for Sailor Jerry, Gleeson

Lifestyle. THEY may not be too everyone's taste, but saucy and flirtatious 1950s-style pin-up girls have become the tattoo of choice for many young women today.

Ask Mimsy Gleeson why a woman would want a tattoo of a pin-up girl writ large and bold in five colours across her body and she's lost for words.

Perhaps the question would have better been put as "Why not?"

The 31-year-old mother of two has a pair of 40cm-high, 1950s-inspired glamour girls etched either side of her ribs. She says she's extremely fond of that style of tattoo design, both on herself and on other people.

"For my generation, it's actually pretty normal for a woman to get a pin-up girl tattoo like mine," she says. "It's one of the more popular styles. And I love drawing them."

The former West End tattooist is so enamoured of the 1950s she has set up business as a mobile tattooist in a refurbished 1959 Qualicraft caravan complete with furniture from the era.

Mimsy's Trailer Trash Tattoo runs its business by appointment and at special events, such as GreazeFest, the Custom Culture festival, to be held in Brisbane from August 1 to 3.

Gleeson inks a pin-up girl on a female client about once a fortnight. Sizes vary but the average 25cm pin-up drawing in up to five colours would take two hours of work and cost about $300. "I guess it's because people regard the female form as really beautiful," Gleeson says.

"I mean, I wouldn't get a pin-up boy or anything like that, although I'm definitely heterosexual. I just don't think it would look any good. But the pin-up girls look really cute."

The pin-up genre is one of Gleeson's favourite styles of tattoo to draw.

Her designs come complete with 1950sinspired outfits, such as polka-dot bathing suits, and hairstyles kept in train with bandanas, ribbons and roses.

Back lace and cherries are among other recurring motifs.

Gleeson says the move back to '50s-inspired art is part of the huge interest in Sailor Jerry designs.

The designs of Sailor Jerry – real name Norman Collins (1911-1973) – such as his iconographic swallow with a sailor's cap, are instantly recognisable to most people as classic old-school-style tattoos.

The girls Sailor Jerry used to draw for the sailors who stumbled into his tattoo parlour in Honolulu's Chinatown area were always classically voluptuous and flirtatious.

However his designs in general are seen as bold and simple – part of the reason they've come to be regarded as classic images in the world of body-art tattooing. They're valued so highly that many are keen to have them as a permanent part of themselves.

For those who want something that can be taken off at the end of the day, however, Sailor Jerry, the brand of clothing, is available at Honor Lulu in Fortitude Valley.

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Women Fear Getting Married

MODERN women have joined the hordes of men who fear commitment.

While the number of single women continues to rise, the growing number of women with commitment issues has also increased. Modern women now feel the world is at their feet, and getting married and losing that freedom can be much less appealing.

So many choose to delay or boycott marriage until later in life.The term commitment phobia was coined by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol in 1987 in their New York Times bestseller, Men Who Can't Love.

Over the past 20 years, the term has gained momentum worldwide and still continues to be a relationship paradigm. The fear of commitment refers to a lack of confidence in maintaining a long-term romantic relationship.

The irony of commitment phobia is that the individuals crave what they fear most: love and connection.The more they wish to fall in love with someone, the more confused and scared they become.
It is not that commitment-phobic individuals don't want love; it is just that their actions are fuelled by a fear of making an irreversible mistake.Commitment phobic behaviour also includes settling for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable love interests and running from a stable romance.

There are many causes.
It can stem back to childhood trauma and abandonment issues, a painful relationship break-up, observing difficult parental relationships or even going through a difficult divorce with a friend.

According to relationship coach Jane Roder, there are a variety of ways to recognise commitment phobia in a new partner – a history of infidelity, dating people with no long-term potential, falling madly in love with someone overseas or interstate, being overly committed to their work and being unwilling to let the relationship blend in with other areas of their life.

Often this person will come on strong initially and then start to back off as soon as the other partner shows interest.

Mixed messages and criticism soon follow.
Choosing unsuitable men is a pattern many women fall into.
By consistently choosing men who won't commit to them, they are in fact covering their own commitment issues.
Sometimes it's easier to blame the man or other factors, than looking at their own motivation.

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10 Sex Mistakes Women Make

2008/05/16

Lifestyle Zone Actress Indonesian. The Sex and the City girls did their best to teach us, but now a doctor of sex has identified the top 10 sex mistakes women make that ruin their relationships.

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc.

The author of several books including, Touch Me There! A Hand Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots has now created a check list on Fox News for women to help them stop falling into the same sexual patterns.

Basically, Dr Fulbright says:
1. Motherhood should not make you celibate
Motherhood should not make you celibate. Instead, you need to see yourself as a hot mama, switching on your Marilyn Monroe persona the second you get your lover alone. For your sake, for your family’s sake, you need to temporarily forget that you’re known as an asexual “mommy” most of the day. You need to nurture your sex life with as much zest as you put into your childcare. Happy parents make for happy families.

2. Be responsive in the sack
Most of us don’t like to have sex with a corpse. Don’t just lie there ... Move! Make noise. Do anything but play dead! If you want your lover to keep coming back, you need to go beyond the missionary position.

3. Stay feminine.
Strive to stay trim and look your best, and apparently effortlessly at that. While he wants you to be the girl-next-door in so many ways, he also wants to eternally see you as his sex goddess.

4. Don't judge his porn
Unless you’ve been replaced by his passion for pornography, don’t give him a guilt trip for it. Instead of seeing his Playboy or Penthouse as a threat, see it as an enhancement.

5. Talk dirty
The occasional potty mouth can be a passion-inducer. So don’t be shy! Learn to talk dirty. I’m not saying sound like a trucker (unless that’s your thing). But don’t be afraid to get a little filthy. Who knows? You might deserve a good spanking for talking like that.

6. Own your body.
Big or small, short or tall, what men find a turn-on more than anything is how a woman carries herself — her confidence. This will help you boost your sex comfort and his.

7. Trash-talking other women.
Sure, you think she looks like a prostitute. But guess what? He does too — and is most likely loving it. Putting down other women in front of him serves as no more than a sign of insecurity. And that makes you unattractive.

8. Don't assume you'll be monogamous.
You’re not monogamous till you have the talk. Having sex is no guarantee of anything, including reciprocal feelings, love, and a future. So don’t make any assumptions. Be honest about what you want. Don’t use sex manipulatively.

9. Don't ignore his nipples.
While known as a "girl-thing," nipples can be his thing too. Many men have sensitive nipples. In fact, some men have nipples that are more sensitive than their lovers'.

10. Don't use too much teeth.
When it comes to oral fixations, this feast should not involve fangs. Teeth scraping is not allowed.

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Embrace The Marriage Cliché

It's the end of life as she knows it, which isn't a bad thing
By ANDREA JAMES

Lifestyle Zone Actress Indonesian. I'm getting married tomorrow. And I'm having trouble describing what that means to me, minus a mixture of worn clichés. Perhaps it's because the act of getting married is a cliché. But I'll try.

Modern married women -- at least the ones like me who waited a bit -- sign away a part of life. The part that speaks freely and with pride about past lovers, and the part that gives license to complain about men, and the part that can shrug off society's critiques with, "What does the world expect? I'm doing this all on my own."

As singles, we nod in sympathy with our girlfriends at the immaturity and the recklessness of the bachelors. My fiancé has renounced his bachelor ways. Something he sees in me makes him want to do that. (It's magic.)

I can't speak for him, but I'll miss the wild camaraderie shared with independent single women. It was so much a part of my identity.

But we were always searching, right? What do you feel when you find the thing that you've been searching for but thought you'd never find?

Well, it feels like this: I sometimes miss the idea of being single, but not being single itself. I relished the general wildness of going solo, of not having a place in society, of opening my own jars. There's this thrill feeling I got when I was at a bar in some city and dressed up all cute, when a warm breeze blew through my hair and over my arms, while I sipped a mixed fruity drink. Youth and sexual attraction and a hint of danger, surrounded by sharks, were part of it. Possibility and power over my own behavior were another part. Also, I love to flirt.

I choose to give up those things with gratitude that I experienced such sensations and can write about them. Because, for all my confident reporting and life adventures and their resulting excitements, I was lonely.

I'm talking about Sunday nights and Tuesday nights, when the radio couldn't fill the void and I sometimes cried into my pillow and I prayed to God to send me an Earth person who understood.

If I think about Marriage, and its societal tendency to put people in their respective places, it scares me. I hate it on a grand scale. The titles of wife and husband -- so often the butt of dull jokes -- still make me cringe. Revolt against clichés!

But choosing to preserve love long term is its own revolt. If I consider marriage on a small scale -- of choosing before God a lifetime of caring, optimistic, good-hearted Derek; of dancing to Neil Diamond in the kitchen; of tangled legs and reading books; of the crook of an arm; of the man-smell of a used T-shirt; of caring for another human; of filling the nights with only two; of a peck on the lips each morning; of tickling and giggling -- then it's easy to say "Forever."

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