Women Fear Getting Married
2008/05/19
MODERN women have joined the hordes of men who fear commitment.
While the number of single women continues to rise, the growing number of women with commitment issues has also increased. Modern women now feel the world is at their feet, and getting married and losing that freedom can be much less appealing.
So many choose to delay or boycott marriage until later in life.The term commitment phobia was coined by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol in 1987 in their New York Times bestseller, Men Who Can't Love.
Over the past 20 years, the term has gained momentum worldwide and still continues to be a relationship paradigm. The fear of commitment refers to a lack of confidence in maintaining a long-term romantic relationship.
The irony of commitment phobia is that the individuals crave what they fear most: love and connection.The more they wish to fall in love with someone, the more confused and scared they become.
It is not that commitment-phobic individuals don't want love; it is just that their actions are fuelled by a fear of making an irreversible mistake.Commitment phobic behaviour also includes settling for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable love interests and running from a stable romance.
There are many causes.
It can stem back to childhood trauma and abandonment issues, a painful relationship break-up, observing difficult parental relationships or even going through a difficult divorce with a friend.
According to relationship coach Jane Roder, there are a variety of ways to recognise commitment phobia in a new partner – a history of infidelity, dating people with no long-term potential, falling madly in love with someone overseas or interstate, being overly committed to their work and being unwilling to let the relationship blend in with other areas of their life.
Often this person will come on strong initially and then start to back off as soon as the other partner shows interest.
Mixed messages and criticism soon follow.
Choosing unsuitable men is a pattern many women fall into.
By consistently choosing men who won't commit to them, they are in fact covering their own commitment issues.
Sometimes it's easier to blame the man or other factors, than looking at their own motivation.
While the number of single women continues to rise, the growing number of women with commitment issues has also increased. Modern women now feel the world is at their feet, and getting married and losing that freedom can be much less appealing.
So many choose to delay or boycott marriage until later in life.The term commitment phobia was coined by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol in 1987 in their New York Times bestseller, Men Who Can't Love.
Over the past 20 years, the term has gained momentum worldwide and still continues to be a relationship paradigm. The fear of commitment refers to a lack of confidence in maintaining a long-term romantic relationship.
The irony of commitment phobia is that the individuals crave what they fear most: love and connection.The more they wish to fall in love with someone, the more confused and scared they become.
It is not that commitment-phobic individuals don't want love; it is just that their actions are fuelled by a fear of making an irreversible mistake.Commitment phobic behaviour also includes settling for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable love interests and running from a stable romance.There are many causes.
It can stem back to childhood trauma and abandonment issues, a painful relationship break-up, observing difficult parental relationships or even going through a difficult divorce with a friend.
According to relationship coach Jane Roder, there are a variety of ways to recognise commitment phobia in a new partner – a history of infidelity, dating people with no long-term potential, falling madly in love with someone overseas or interstate, being overly committed to their work and being unwilling to let the relationship blend in with other areas of their life.
Often this person will come on strong initially and then start to back off as soon as the other partner shows interest.
Mixed messages and criticism soon follow.
Choosing unsuitable men is a pattern many women fall into.
By consistently choosing men who won't commit to them, they are in fact covering their own commitment issues.
Sometimes it's easier to blame the man or other factors, than looking at their own motivation.
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