Lifestyle Zone

By KRISTIN DIZON

Lifestyle. In businesses and offices around Seattle, more and more signs are asking people to supervise their young children -- or leave them at home.

To some, it seems like reasonable boundary setting. To others, it smacks of anti-child attitudes, especially in an age when parents are more likely to tote children everywhere and incorporate them into their lifestyles. Naturally, they take offense at a stranger's attempt to guide their public parenting.

Business owners say they must guard safety and liability, protect their merchandise or the specific atmosphere they've created, or ensure that a space doesn't become dominated by kids to the dismay of other patrons.

At Diva Espresso's six locations around Seattle, a sign reads: "Unsupervised children will be given espresso and a puppy." It's a playful reminder that parents should mind their little ones, and because of the tone, owner Steve Barker said it's rare for someone to be miffed about it.

Barker said he posted the notice after children had twice broken his glass pastry case by banging on it.

"We were concerned about the safety of the kids and a lawsuit, which in this day and age happens," said Barker, who now uses plastic glass to front the case.

Feedback from customers has largely been good.

"We've had people ask for copies of it," he said.

And the sign got nowhere near the reaction as one reminding people that, per health department code, dogs are not allowed in the coffee shop. Same goes for another sign asking people to hang up their cell phones while ordering. That one has since been removed.

At a Phinney Ridge-area coffee shop, some patrons bristled at a sign that reminded them, "If you bring children to our shop, we ask that you please be considerate of noise levels and of others' space."

To Jessica Rose, who takes her two sons to the shop for doughnuts once a week, the sign singled out kids.

"It sort of made you feel like the only people in the world who are disruptive are children," said Rose, who works nearby. She said plenty of laptoppers clack away and sometimes answer calls in the cafe.

"They just kind of look at you, like, 'Why are you in my office? And, I just kind of look at them like, 'Why are you in my coffee shop?' " Rose said.

The owner of the shop, who talked on condition of anonymity for himself and his business, said the sign has been retired but that "99 percent or more of the people were happy to see it."

He added that his staff sometimes gives a gentle reminder to people talking loud on a phone, or parents of rambunctious children.

"People feel like you're telling them how to handle their children, and that ends up being the sticky sore spot. You're just trying to protect your business and people think they're trying to tell them how to run their lives."

Earlier this year, a story in The New York Times chronicled the outcry from parents when a popular Brooklyn pub banned strollers and went 21 and over. Two years ago, parents in a kid-filled Chicago neighborhood fumed when a cafe posted a sign that children "have to behave and use their indoor voices." Some boycotted the bakery.

While parents here haven't erupted to that extent, there are pockets of angry rebuke.

A sign at Duque + Duque in Ballard reads: "About the little ones ... Due to the delicate nature of our business, we ask that children not be brought into the salon, spa or boutique. Thank you."

Owner Giovanna Duque said despite the gentle language, reaction is sometimes fierce.

"It caused a huge amount of upset. We've had mothers on the sidewalk giving us the finger over the top of the baby stroller," Duque said. Another woman, 2-year-old in tow, cursed at the staff over the policy before she was escorted out.

"She was screaming that she was going to call police and who do we think we are? The sense of entitlement is incredible," Duque said. "Who am I? I'm the owner."

Another reason for the sign is that unsupervised children have destroyed or damaged merchandise in the boutique -- and only on one occasion did a parent offer to replace the broken item.

"I love children and they're just learning their boundaries. We are not anti-children at all," said Duque, whose two grown children work with her.

But, she said, the family has worked hard to create an environment in which women can get away from it all.

"We did it because we're an oasis for women -- we believe that mothers are the hardest workers on the planet and deserve a break without kids," she said.

Other times, it's hard for a business to focus on customers when children are disruptive.

At Habitude, an upscale salon and spa in Ballard, owner Inez Gray also asks parents to leave young children home. The reaction is sometimes acrimonious or emotional, particularly from new moms.

"Certainly it's been very difficult for some of our customers, especially nursing moms," she said. "We've had a lot of push-back from moms who say we're not a family place and we don't cater to kids."

Some have tried to get their hair bleached while nursing under the plastic cape, but Gray says it's dangerous to work with strong chemicals, or scissors and razors, around babies.

"The moms typically say, 'Well, she's just going to sleep in her car seat for three hours. I just fed her,' " said Gray, a mother of three. "And, there's a good chance that that's true. But for every five that might do that, there's one who's not going to."

At Pike Place Magic Shop, a decade-old sign reads: "Stray children will be sold to the highest bidder."

It used to say such children would be sold to Gypsies, but after some Gypsies complained about insensitivity, it was changed, co-owner Sheila Lyon said.

"Most of the kids -- I'd say 85 percent -- are great," said Lyon. "Every once in a while, the kids start jumping or screaming or running around and the parents don't say anything."

More than anywhere in Seattle, the emotional tug of war over children's behavior in public seems to center on fancier restaurants, where plenty of diners want adult ambience sans running toddlers and the potential of a noisy meltdown.

Many parents, such as Rebecca Staffel, say they carefully select where their kids dine. Her daughter Meg, 9, eats with her parents at plenty of kid-friendly restaurants such as The Hi-Life and Wild Mountain Cafe, but she also visits white-tablecloth restaurants such as Restaurant Zoe.

"When we go places that are a little bit grown up, we talk abut having princess manners -- that's sort of the code for keeping it together," said Staffel, a Microsoft contractor. "The current mind-set in parenting is bring the child everywhere. I don't have a problem with that," she said, "if it's accompanied with fine discipline."

Beyond individual experiences, much disgruntlement is expressed online, where the aggrieved unleash their displeasure at kids in public spaces. If you judge by certain message boards, you'd think out-of-control kids and clueless parents were rampant in Seattle.

Part of the problem is the language -- which flames quickly from campfire to raging inferno. People with children are considered breeders of hairless monkeys who travel in stroller herds, while urban singles are selfish, anti-child hipsters who will die alone.

Parents point out that children are -- no surprise -- unpredictable, and that learning how to behave well in public is a process that takes time. Some add that, if you think it's so easy, you're welcome to give it a try.

"Even the best-behaved child is going to have a bad day and throw themselves down on the ground and scream," said Rose, a Wallingford mother of two. "I'm sure my children have annoyed countless strangers over the years, but they've annoyed me, too. As a parent, you don't have a magic wand you can wave to make them behave."

Reality is, "Everyone's had the experience of being around parents who aren't doing their best," said Rose. "I think it goes without saying that if you go somewhere with children they should act in a way that's appropriate and respectful."

But behavior standards do vary.

"No matter what you do as a parent," Rose said, "there's someone telling you you're doing wrong."